it's a small world after all

it's a funny (fine, maybe compulsive) habit of mine to check the lab's log file every so often. the log is more or less just a bunch of code regarding which files have been accessed, when they were requested, what platform the user was running, which browser family theirs falls into, and the base ip address. the only really interesting things to see are how many people look at the site, what they look at, and where they're from. the ip address only maps to a general location, but it's cool to see one pop up once in a while from somewhere like malaysia, morocco, germany, the list goes on... naturally, it makes me wonder. who from wherever checked out whatever they checked out? what made them decide to check it out? how the hell did they find it in the first place? what did they think?

maybe they've been to some of the same places that i've been. maybe they have a story of their own from the same clocktower in the same city in denmark. maybe the beach reminded them of growing up on the mediterranean. maybe a song lyric reminded them of one of their loves lost, or a broken heart - either past, or yet to be mended. maybe they, too, wish they were there instead of wherever they are now. maybe it's silly, but in some way i wish i could meet everyone who stops by my little corner of the world-wide web. i'd probably be at least as interested in meeting a bit of them as they are in meeting a bit of me. that's what the lab is after all - a small piece of me.

the internet seems to be shrinking the world at large, yet at the same time our individual worlds are growing larger; accessibility makes the globe smaller in scope, yet increases each of our individual scopes by just as much. we're lucky to be around now for that reason. it's a widely held opinion that we, as humanity, are at a turning point in existence. it's kind of fun to be a part of that, whether we're around to see where it all ends up or not.

all ears,
jh..

i've been nocturnal at least in some degree since my years in junior high. i remember watching f1 races on the tv in my room when i couldn't sleep, which incidentally was most of the time. since senna is one of the names i remember from the time, it must have been 1994 at the latest.

in the years since, not much has changed. i assume a diurnal pattern once in a long while, but at best it's fleeting. it's somewhat amusing, really, the lengths that i go to to foster my late nights and subsequent late mornings/early afternoons.

in my first few years of university i experimented with staying up late and still waking up early. a lot of tea was consumed, and as a direct result, many 8am chemistry labs were attended regularly. the only silly thing is that i don't remember any of them. it's no surprise, considering the pharmacologically maintained state of half-consciousness i managed to stay in just long enough to make it through the lab before slumping into a study carrel in cameron library where i'd sit and blank out for about an hour before class. the caffeine, needless to say, prevented napping in the afternoons. after a while, if your body doesn't adjust well, you just get sick a lot. maybe i'm just picky, but i'd rather be healthy and aware of what's going on...

in the end, though, i learned a valuable lesson: don't schedule anything early and you can sleep for as long as you like. unfortunately, though, this quickly leads to ven later nights and, almost unbelievably, later mornings/early afternoons. in the end, being nocturnal surpasses being a simple circadian sleep pattern. it transcends sleep and really becomes a way of life. classes soon fail to be attended, every meal becomes equally as likely to consist of at least one type of breakfast food, and sunlight actually induces sleepiness. grocery shopping is done as the market closes, and the convenience store becomes like a late-night friend.

the fact is, though, that i love nighttime. i have ever since junior high; since discovering the f1 races that i never would have known about if it weren't for my mild insomnia and general refusal to fall in line. at night the world feels like it should. places are quiet, calm, peaceful. the streets are empty. in the summertime, the air is cool. in the wintertime, the snow feels warm. the world seems a bigger place at night, but at the same time i feel closer to everything, including myself. it's as if the heavens lower themselves and security-blanket us here; it's comfortable at night, in a way that nothing else seems to be. my mind settles, and expands, and i feel at home. the lamps in my room are warmer, and the sounds that reach my ears ring truer and softer.

"look at all the poor bastards / gotta go to work while i sleep." - sarah harmer, 'everytime'

jh..

"i reserve the right to write 'til i'm free" - j-live, 'epilogue'

sometimes i think that hip-hop is dying. hell, sometimes i think it's dead. but every time i do, i hear a song that puts that thought back in the depths of cogition where it belongs. and most of the time it's j-live that does it. he kept me company for at least a few hundred hours last summer when i was walking/riding/flying/sleeping/thinking/writing/stressing/learning/growing/whatevering. he's good that way. he's there to talk when you feel like listening, to let you bounce words off of him when you feel like venting, and to just keep you company for a while if you feel like thinking or going for a walk. all he really asks is that you keep him charged up on the daily. he has a lot to teach if you're willing to listen to what he has to say. and if you're too uninterested/ambivalent/ignorant to listen to what he has to say, then the beats are good enough that you won't really need to buy another hip-hop album for a while to come.

but back to the point.

writing 'til you're free. free from your thoughts. free from your fears. free from your indecision. free from your anger. your stress. your laziness. your boredom. writing 'til you're free from prison - whether it's physical, political, a relationship, a mental set, a habit that's killing you, or even a way of life. 'til you're free from poverty, hunger, underdeveloped literacy, ignorance, hatred, prejudice. 'til you're free from what other people think of you, how they see you, how you see yourself, who you were, who you didn't want to be, who you thought you wanted to be before you wrote yourself into the you that you're proud of now. writing 'til you're free from whatever was blocking your freedom of writing in the first place.

it doesn't need to be good to make you free to write the good things yet to come.

jh..

"on the road with kerouac"

i didn't actually have kerouac with me - either in book form or in the flesh (it's about 35 1/2 years late for that). i was on the road, however, and that's what really mattered. the destinations were victoria and vancouver, for no particular resaon other than that they were far, far away from here. i won't bore you all with details of rounds of golf in february, or concerts showcasing the best hip-hop dj in the world, or even the amazing weather, views, and people. i'll just say that i'd rather be there than here. that's not to say that home can't be spoken well of. it can. but after nearly two decades and a half more, staying in one place begins to wear on a person. it's amazing how much your energy-level can rise in only a week of being away. and it's equally disappointing how quickly you can lose the energy once you return home. routine can be a good thing, but it can also be paralytic. sometimes it's tough to tell the difference between finding your groove, and finding yourself stuck in a rut.

dizzee rascal said it best: "...when i'm gone i'm always thinkin'bout my hometown." but that doesn't mean i'd rather be here.

here's to you getting out of your rut, too,
if you find that's what's been plaguing you.
jh..

and don't be sleeping on the pictures, either.