forever and a day
it's possible to know someone for decades, to see them regularly, and yet still not really know that person very well, let alone be close to them. and it's also possible to know someone for a very short time, and during that time truly get to know them, to connect with them, and to share something intimate and genuine.
simply being involved in something intense for a short time, however, doesn't make two people genuinely close, nor does it make the relationship a true friendship. a few months spent in close contact, even while sharing some important parts of yourselves, doesn't mean that the friendship is good, or that either of you are actually a 'good' friend to the other. none of time, nor intensity, nor mutual sharing by itself can make that true. some of the most intense short-term relationships i've had have been with people who, in the end, were not good friends at all. friends in some sense, yes, but not true friends. there was a sense of closeness shared with during the respective short times, but in those cases the closeness was entirely circumstantial. and that's not to say that it was wrong, because it wasn't. in each instance the relationship played some important role, for myself at least, and it's perfectly fine that that's all it was meant to be. sometimes things were pursued for longer than they should have been, but in the end there was no denying that things weren't sitting right, and that it wasn't meant to be. hindsight, of course, is 20/20, as they say; the usefulness of that is in learning to gain insight, and perhaps even foresight.
true, healthy friendship involves reliability. an absence of game-playing. mutual (and i can't stress the importance of that) trust. consistency in affect. lack of unwarranted judgement. reciprocated respect. lack of jealousy. challenge, but without control or bullying. not punishing the other purposefully because you feel hurt. it seems that there isn't room for any of these things in a relationship characterized by genuine love.
fair-weather friends, at the least, are usually dependable in their undependability. it seems that it's an entirely different story, though, when friends decide sporadically to be on bad terms with you, and then decide to make everything okay again on a whim. i find it ironic when someone claims such a person to be a 'good' or a 'close' friend, mostly because they defy my very definition of what a true friend is. true friends appreciate your worth; they don't treat you poorly time and again. they don't act aloof regarding your company or your importance, both in general and to them specifically. they love you unconditionally, not circumstantially, and they want you to be happy more than they want to keep you for themselves.
but enough said about that. maybe i'm just too picky with my true friends. of course, maybe that's the way things should be. a wise girl once wrote a note to herself of a quote that read, "guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." from hindsight to foresight, so we learn in life.
here's to all of us realising who our true friends are, and appreciating them as they appreciate us.
simply being involved in something intense for a short time, however, doesn't make two people genuinely close, nor does it make the relationship a true friendship. a few months spent in close contact, even while sharing some important parts of yourselves, doesn't mean that the friendship is good, or that either of you are actually a 'good' friend to the other. none of time, nor intensity, nor mutual sharing by itself can make that true. some of the most intense short-term relationships i've had have been with people who, in the end, were not good friends at all. friends in some sense, yes, but not true friends. there was a sense of closeness shared with during the respective short times, but in those cases the closeness was entirely circumstantial. and that's not to say that it was wrong, because it wasn't. in each instance the relationship played some important role, for myself at least, and it's perfectly fine that that's all it was meant to be. sometimes things were pursued for longer than they should have been, but in the end there was no denying that things weren't sitting right, and that it wasn't meant to be. hindsight, of course, is 20/20, as they say; the usefulness of that is in learning to gain insight, and perhaps even foresight.
true, healthy friendship involves reliability. an absence of game-playing. mutual (and i can't stress the importance of that) trust. consistency in affect. lack of unwarranted judgement. reciprocated respect. lack of jealousy. challenge, but without control or bullying. not punishing the other purposefully because you feel hurt. it seems that there isn't room for any of these things in a relationship characterized by genuine love.
fair-weather friends, at the least, are usually dependable in their undependability. it seems that it's an entirely different story, though, when friends decide sporadically to be on bad terms with you, and then decide to make everything okay again on a whim. i find it ironic when someone claims such a person to be a 'good' or a 'close' friend, mostly because they defy my very definition of what a true friend is. true friends appreciate your worth; they don't treat you poorly time and again. they don't act aloof regarding your company or your importance, both in general and to them specifically. they love you unconditionally, not circumstantially, and they want you to be happy more than they want to keep you for themselves.
but enough said about that. maybe i'm just too picky with my true friends. of course, maybe that's the way things should be. a wise girl once wrote a note to herself of a quote that read, "guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." from hindsight to foresight, so we learn in life.
here's to all of us realising who our true friends are, and appreciating them as they appreciate us.
