a day in the life: how to get from ko lipe to phuket (so that you can immediately get the hell out of phuket)
7:30 am - awake and shower, because you're going to be sweaty, grubby, and tired by the time you've arrived at your destiation. find out if you can commandeer a longtail from your bugalow's beach, which means carrying your luggage about 100 metres, or if instead you need to catch the boat from 'mountain resort', which means carrying your bags about 3km down the beach (note: carrying heavy luggage across soft sand, for any distance, is no fun). you find out that you're good to go from your bungalows - yay! be back by 8:30 am sharp, you're told, or you might get left behind.
8:00 am - make the 15 minute walk across the island to flower power bakery in 10 minutes, and order the best french toast in thailand, with a side of scrambled eggs and a cup of tea, along with two banana nut loaves for the road.
8:20 am - start eating your pancakes (oops), eggs, and tea, which have just arrived.
8:27 am - remembering the 15 minute walk back to the bungalows, and recalling also that there are no taxis on the island (in large part because there are no roads, only sandy footpaths), run for the longest consecutive stretch of time in 5 years, setting a blistering new pb in the 1500 metre in the process, so that you barely, barely make it back in time for...
8:32 am - your things have been loaded into the longtail in your absence, so get your feet wet - literally - and hop in for the ride.
8:45 am - after enjoying the picturesque 15 minute ride around the island - to within a solid 7-iron of where you ate the breakfast that's now sitting questionably in your stomach from the post-breakfast 1500 - you pull from your fingers from your ears to discovered that you still possess the power of hearing, despite hte best efforts of the screaming loud 2-stroke engine propelling the longtail. time to move your baggage to the miniature barge that serves as a floating middle-man between the longtails and speedboats. you're told that the speedboat currently moored to the barge isn’t the one you'll be taking, so you wait patiently for the 9 o'clock speedboat, which arrives at...
9:00 am? - sweet jesus! what exotic alignment of bodies in the heavens has allowed for such an unprecedented show of adherence to schedule in thailand? no time to ruminate on such lofty things just yet, though, because you now have to find room for yourself, your travel companion, and all of your bags in an already full-to-capacity speedboat. and guess what? there's room! you guessed it, on the floor! you're only 6'2" tall, though this still leads to some complications in the 'comfort' department. you hope that the andaman sea is smooth and glassy this fine, hot, tropical morning, but alas, it is not. it's only an hour long ride to the port of pak bara, though, so how bad could it be? the answer to this naive question is: moderately bad. it's not so much the tail-bone crushing, spine curving impulse that the rock hard floor transmits to your body every time the boat plows through a massive wave at 100kph, but the unpredictable way that the oat will lull you into a false sense of smooth rhythm with the waves, only to batter you unannounced the next second. oh, well - at least they're not handing out lifejackets halfway through this speedboat trip like they did on the way back from ko mak. good signs for good times.
10:45 am - arrive early to pak bara and unload all of the gear from the boat. since you were last on, naturally you're... last off? yes, things work backwards much of the time in thailand, but you're used to this, so it's no big deal. you disembark and look for transport to phuket, but when the tour company near the pier refuses to reduce the 650baht direct ticket, you wisely decide to say "screw you!" and do it yourself. it only takes a few minutes, and then it's...
11:00 am - (i wasn't joking, they're ready to fly at the drop of a hat) you're loaded up in the nearest songthaew with your bags, 3 thai mothers and their young babies, the grandmother, and the old white guy who jumped on the back of the tiny pickup truck somewhere along the road and is now hanging off of the tailgate step. this is the real way to travel with the locals outside of the big cities: crammed shoulder to shoulder with them in the box of a tiny asian pickup truck, flying down the road with no seat belts and not line of sight to the road ahead. close your eyes and enjoy the ride!
10 km later - everyone gets off at a random stop in la-ngu, and you request that the driver take you to the bus station, as promised. he smiles and nods profusely, hops back in, drives you another 30 metres up the road, and announces with grandeur that you've arrived at the bus "station". naturally, there is no bus station in la-ngu, so you instead wait in the blistering sun at the nearest bus stop for the next local bus to trang. there's nothing to complain about, really, because there is 12baht (~40 cent) ice cream conveniently at hand, and there's plenty to keep your eyes busy on any street in thailand.
15 minutes later - the local bus to trang arrives, and it's as classy as the bus from satun to la-ngu. decked out with a mirrored roof and rainbow striping, and a bumpin' stereo system blasting some crazy thai music for the nationals, the ride gets underway immediately - before everyone is fully in the bus, as a matter of fact. it's a hot day, but despite not having paid for the more expensive (really expensive) express bus with proper a/c, this one has windows that open, and the fact that the driver rarely lets the needle drop below 120kph regardless of road surface or tightness of curve means that you're kept cool and comfortable, if a little windblown and hard of hearing by the end of the trip. i don't know if i've ever felt that many lateral g's in a car, let alone a bus. just goes to show how much further the asians push things when law and liability aren't on their list of concerns. zoom!
thanks to the somewhat reckless driving, you arrive at trang in time to buy a pair of tickets to phuket (grand total for this trip comes to just over 300baht, a far cry from the 650baht the travel company was prepared to charge for a direct bus from pak bara to phuket that would have arrived only a few minutes earlier, with little added comfort and about half the local flavour - no way, i say!), and after a few minutes of waiting on the bus, it's off again. no respite from the sitting position today, my friend! the bus pulls out of the terminal and it's only seconds before the in-transit entertainment begins, i.e. vcd's of terrible thai pop videos that will run the entire length of the journey. thank god you've brought your mp3 player to drown it out.
soon enough your view of the landscape changes from the constant walls of palm and rubber tree plantations, and small, free-standing limestone mountains start appearing in the distance and you approach the thai rock-climbing mecca of krabi. the landscape really is something unique, with tiny, lush tropical forests sitting perched at the very top of these small, flat-topped mountains, appearing as if dropped there haphazardly from the skies. the view itself lasts for the next couple of hours before flattening out somewhat once again as you cross the very short bridge from the mainland to thailand's biggest island and tourist destination, phuket.
7:30 pm - the drive from the north bridge to the city at the southernmost tip of the island is long and more than a bit boring, but soon you've arrived and are greeted by a fresh battalion of touts, who yell "where you go?", "Taxi?", "i take you! i take you!" before your foot hits the ground beneath the bus door. the best thing to do is just to ignore them as if you don't even speak english, though the more persistent and clever ones will realize that you're fronting and keep at you until they get some sort of response. oftentimes mine is "piss off", which often works well, depending on the force of the delivery. besides, you can't be held back now, because the great race is on to find...
accomodation! the hotels near the airport are exorbitantly priced (canadian hotel room prices, really), so instead you head off on foot to find a place to stay. figuring it can't be too difficult, you ask at the first place north of the bus terminal, only to find out that the old guy at the desk doesn't speak english, but that based on his rather ambiguous hand gestures that he has no vacancy. on to the next! a motorbike taxi driver outside immediately latches on to you (you're not much more than a potential commission in their eyes, unfortunately) and steers you to the next nearest hotel, where you ask to see the 600baht room that they have left. you can never be too careful in thailand, because despite the ubiquitous smiles on the faces of the thais, standards of every sort seem to be a bit more plastic here. and good thing you checked! after flipping on the lights, the cockroaches all over the floor of this room can't even be bothered to scurry away quickly, and they lazily make their way towards the nearest shadow on the floor. thanks for nothing, thai roach motel! off to the next...
which is only a block up. 800baht, clean, boring, and has satellite tv that you won't be watching because you're ready to pass out where you stand. done. transport bags, eat a quick and surprisingly overpriced dinner at the nearby italian restaurant (osteria - owned by an itialian ex-pat for authenticity's sake), buy a small indonesian language book, and hit the hay. it's an unfortunately short sleep, because at...
5:30 am - you're up to do it all over again, but this time with airports and airplanes!
as an interesting post-script to the story, the next morning, after showing up for the 6am airport shuttle that actually comes at 5:30am (thanks for nothing, "information" office tout jerk - he was only in it to get a commission for the night's hotel, not to give helpful advice) and having to instead spend roughly 4 times the fare on a half-hour taxi to the airport instead, tiger airways informed us that our checked bags were too heavy and that we'd have to incur a 3000baht excess baggage fee. yet again i say "no way!" and unload 10kg of things from my checked baggage so that they can be carried on instead. the girl behind the desk agrees that this is the most logical (???) course of action, and we avoid the fee. of course, the plane ends up carrying exactly the same amount of weight, and i've now nearly tripled the allowable weight of carry-on baggage, but it seems that this is of little import to the girls behind the desk. naturally. so we boarded our flight out of thailand, myself carrying three rather large and heavy carry-on bags, but also carrying 3000baht for my troubles. zoom!
8:00 am - make the 15 minute walk across the island to flower power bakery in 10 minutes, and order the best french toast in thailand, with a side of scrambled eggs and a cup of tea, along with two banana nut loaves for the road.
8:20 am - start eating your pancakes (oops), eggs, and tea, which have just arrived.
8:27 am - remembering the 15 minute walk back to the bungalows, and recalling also that there are no taxis on the island (in large part because there are no roads, only sandy footpaths), run for the longest consecutive stretch of time in 5 years, setting a blistering new pb in the 1500 metre in the process, so that you barely, barely make it back in time for...
8:32 am - your things have been loaded into the longtail in your absence, so get your feet wet - literally - and hop in for the ride.
8:45 am - after enjoying the picturesque 15 minute ride around the island - to within a solid 7-iron of where you ate the breakfast that's now sitting questionably in your stomach from the post-breakfast 1500 - you pull from your fingers from your ears to discovered that you still possess the power of hearing, despite hte best efforts of the screaming loud 2-stroke engine propelling the longtail. time to move your baggage to the miniature barge that serves as a floating middle-man between the longtails and speedboats. you're told that the speedboat currently moored to the barge isn’t the one you'll be taking, so you wait patiently for the 9 o'clock speedboat, which arrives at...
9:00 am? - sweet jesus! what exotic alignment of bodies in the heavens has allowed for such an unprecedented show of adherence to schedule in thailand? no time to ruminate on such lofty things just yet, though, because you now have to find room for yourself, your travel companion, and all of your bags in an already full-to-capacity speedboat. and guess what? there's room! you guessed it, on the floor! you're only 6'2" tall, though this still leads to some complications in the 'comfort' department. you hope that the andaman sea is smooth and glassy this fine, hot, tropical morning, but alas, it is not. it's only an hour long ride to the port of pak bara, though, so how bad could it be? the answer to this naive question is: moderately bad. it's not so much the tail-bone crushing, spine curving impulse that the rock hard floor transmits to your body every time the boat plows through a massive wave at 100kph, but the unpredictable way that the oat will lull you into a false sense of smooth rhythm with the waves, only to batter you unannounced the next second. oh, well - at least they're not handing out lifejackets halfway through this speedboat trip like they did on the way back from ko mak. good signs for good times.
10:45 am - arrive early to pak bara and unload all of the gear from the boat. since you were last on, naturally you're... last off? yes, things work backwards much of the time in thailand, but you're used to this, so it's no big deal. you disembark and look for transport to phuket, but when the tour company near the pier refuses to reduce the 650baht direct ticket, you wisely decide to say "screw you!" and do it yourself. it only takes a few minutes, and then it's...
11:00 am - (i wasn't joking, they're ready to fly at the drop of a hat) you're loaded up in the nearest songthaew with your bags, 3 thai mothers and their young babies, the grandmother, and the old white guy who jumped on the back of the tiny pickup truck somewhere along the road and is now hanging off of the tailgate step. this is the real way to travel with the locals outside of the big cities: crammed shoulder to shoulder with them in the box of a tiny asian pickup truck, flying down the road with no seat belts and not line of sight to the road ahead. close your eyes and enjoy the ride!
10 km later - everyone gets off at a random stop in la-ngu, and you request that the driver take you to the bus station, as promised. he smiles and nods profusely, hops back in, drives you another 30 metres up the road, and announces with grandeur that you've arrived at the bus "station". naturally, there is no bus station in la-ngu, so you instead wait in the blistering sun at the nearest bus stop for the next local bus to trang. there's nothing to complain about, really, because there is 12baht (~40 cent) ice cream conveniently at hand, and there's plenty to keep your eyes busy on any street in thailand.
15 minutes later - the local bus to trang arrives, and it's as classy as the bus from satun to la-ngu. decked out with a mirrored roof and rainbow striping, and a bumpin' stereo system blasting some crazy thai music for the nationals, the ride gets underway immediately - before everyone is fully in the bus, as a matter of fact. it's a hot day, but despite not having paid for the more expensive (really expensive) express bus with proper a/c, this one has windows that open, and the fact that the driver rarely lets the needle drop below 120kph regardless of road surface or tightness of curve means that you're kept cool and comfortable, if a little windblown and hard of hearing by the end of the trip. i don't know if i've ever felt that many lateral g's in a car, let alone a bus. just goes to show how much further the asians push things when law and liability aren't on their list of concerns. zoom!
thanks to the somewhat reckless driving, you arrive at trang in time to buy a pair of tickets to phuket (grand total for this trip comes to just over 300baht, a far cry from the 650baht the travel company was prepared to charge for a direct bus from pak bara to phuket that would have arrived only a few minutes earlier, with little added comfort and about half the local flavour - no way, i say!), and after a few minutes of waiting on the bus, it's off again. no respite from the sitting position today, my friend! the bus pulls out of the terminal and it's only seconds before the in-transit entertainment begins, i.e. vcd's of terrible thai pop videos that will run the entire length of the journey. thank god you've brought your mp3 player to drown it out.
soon enough your view of the landscape changes from the constant walls of palm and rubber tree plantations, and small, free-standing limestone mountains start appearing in the distance and you approach the thai rock-climbing mecca of krabi. the landscape really is something unique, with tiny, lush tropical forests sitting perched at the very top of these small, flat-topped mountains, appearing as if dropped there haphazardly from the skies. the view itself lasts for the next couple of hours before flattening out somewhat once again as you cross the very short bridge from the mainland to thailand's biggest island and tourist destination, phuket.
7:30 pm - the drive from the north bridge to the city at the southernmost tip of the island is long and more than a bit boring, but soon you've arrived and are greeted by a fresh battalion of touts, who yell "where you go?", "Taxi?", "i take you! i take you!" before your foot hits the ground beneath the bus door. the best thing to do is just to ignore them as if you don't even speak english, though the more persistent and clever ones will realize that you're fronting and keep at you until they get some sort of response. oftentimes mine is "piss off", which often works well, depending on the force of the delivery. besides, you can't be held back now, because the great race is on to find...
accomodation! the hotels near the airport are exorbitantly priced (canadian hotel room prices, really), so instead you head off on foot to find a place to stay. figuring it can't be too difficult, you ask at the first place north of the bus terminal, only to find out that the old guy at the desk doesn't speak english, but that based on his rather ambiguous hand gestures that he has no vacancy. on to the next! a motorbike taxi driver outside immediately latches on to you (you're not much more than a potential commission in their eyes, unfortunately) and steers you to the next nearest hotel, where you ask to see the 600baht room that they have left. you can never be too careful in thailand, because despite the ubiquitous smiles on the faces of the thais, standards of every sort seem to be a bit more plastic here. and good thing you checked! after flipping on the lights, the cockroaches all over the floor of this room can't even be bothered to scurry away quickly, and they lazily make their way towards the nearest shadow on the floor. thanks for nothing, thai roach motel! off to the next...
which is only a block up. 800baht, clean, boring, and has satellite tv that you won't be watching because you're ready to pass out where you stand. done. transport bags, eat a quick and surprisingly overpriced dinner at the nearby italian restaurant (osteria - owned by an itialian ex-pat for authenticity's sake), buy a small indonesian language book, and hit the hay. it's an unfortunately short sleep, because at...
5:30 am - you're up to do it all over again, but this time with airports and airplanes!
as an interesting post-script to the story, the next morning, after showing up for the 6am airport shuttle that actually comes at 5:30am (thanks for nothing, "information" office tout jerk - he was only in it to get a commission for the night's hotel, not to give helpful advice) and having to instead spend roughly 4 times the fare on a half-hour taxi to the airport instead, tiger airways informed us that our checked bags were too heavy and that we'd have to incur a 3000baht excess baggage fee. yet again i say "no way!" and unload 10kg of things from my checked baggage so that they can be carried on instead. the girl behind the desk agrees that this is the most logical (???) course of action, and we avoid the fee. of course, the plane ends up carrying exactly the same amount of weight, and i've now nearly tripled the allowable weight of carry-on baggage, but it seems that this is of little import to the girls behind the desk. naturally. so we boarded our flight out of thailand, myself carrying three rather large and heavy carry-on bags, but also carrying 3000baht for my troubles. zoom!
posted by jh.. at 23:33
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